A new book, an unexpected gift

I just started reading a book that I would identify as “fun,” but I think it may actually be very helpful as a way for me to begin to formulate, create and construct my theology—that huge project that is weighing on my mind, but is rendering my fingers stiff.  The book is by licensed psychologist, Rachel Awes.  She has taken, with permission, phrases spoken by her clients that have taught her about life and has written and illustrated All I Did Was Listen.

Her artwork uses reds, burnt oranges, purples and avocado greens.  She fills in the holes of hand written letters.  She takes a phrase and makes it a three or four paragraph story that puts life into perspective, makes the reader think and, perhaps, work on some of those things that many struggle with at different points in life.

It’s profound stuff, even in its simplicity.  I've only read the first chapter, “Messiness Inside,” and I feel a kindred spirit with her and her clients.  “We’re all broken and it’s more what we do with it that matters.”  Yes!  I am broken.  I sometimes feel lost, out of control, like no one understands me, and incapable of anything more than the simplest of tasks.  How I react to these feelings, how I grow, how I learn from them…these are the things that matter.  I can stay, stuck in my brokenness, or I can collect the shards and find the best way to put them back together—sometimes neatly; other times creating a new piece of the art of me; sometimes leaving a hole where a piece has disappeared.  She says it like this, “Affirm how the pieces of your life are being picked up as you pick them up.”  Profound.

There are no page numbers in this book, and I've only read the first chapter.  I think I have to make more time with this book, use the wisdoms shared by so many individuals, and grow.  I believe that my fingers may have more flexibility and I may be able to begin to form the words to describe my relationship to theology.  Sometimes we find what we need in the last place we would consider looking. 

O Heavenly One, thank you for placing the things we need within our reach if only we are willing to stretch out and take the risks needed to embrace them.  Amen.

We're ALIVE!

“Our church is dying,” I hear people say, especially in the “greater” areas of our states.  The cry is going out that “if this would only change, then we wouldn't die.”  The comments surround clergy or community involvement or more families with kids or a dynamic youth program or feeding ministries.  But the church, the ecclesia, is the people.  The only way the church is going to die, is if all the people die. 

I propose another expression.

“Our church is living!”  God is present everywhere, so why don’t we talk about the way God is impacting our lives, is ever present in our worship, is our constant hope for our future? These comments can change the way we view the church and her ministries.  Who are we as a faith community?  What are our hopes, dreams and prayers for our future as a haven for those who believe or are searching for something in whom to believe and a place to belong?

How can we appreciate the ministries we have?  In so many faith communities we find people who are super involved in certain ministries and not interested in others, and everything in between.  We cannot make every individual happy with all the decisions made, or even meet all their needs, but we can certainly listen and learn about what is wanted and needed to enhance the way we are faithful in the world through our faith communities.

Our impact as faith-filled people upon others can be either positive or negative.  When we talk about our church as if it were dying, we are not expressing the impact that community has made on us individually.  We are focusing on “what if’s?” instead of “what’s.”  Think instead on these questions:

What do you do in your faith community? 
Why does it matter to you?  To your family?  To your neighbors?
Why do you go to this place in particular? 
How does it feed your spiritual needs?  Your communal needs? 
Is your church an extension of your family?  Why?  How?
What do you do, as a community of faith, really, really well?
Where do you see yourselves in five years?  In ten years?

Start being what you believe you are called to be, even if what you dream is years away:

Dream as if God’s plan for your church is endless.
Express your love for God with enthusiasm.
Talk about your community as if you cannot live without it.
Communicate LIVING language.
Trust that God is with you.
Keep hoping!  It’s contagious!

Dear God of all, teach us to talk with words of hope and grace and love about your church, for when we talk as living communities, we will live, in you, with you and for you.  Amen.

A little history

For fifteen years, I was a Tupperware Lady.  It was a choice we made before we had kids.  One of our priorities when we got married was to establish a household where one parent would be home to raise our children.  My Tupperware career was established before the kids came along, so I had laid the groundwork that would support our parenting plan.

 

This choice, to have one of us home to parent, came with some sacrifices and also with some great opportunities.  We had to find ways to live on a lower income than most people, live in a modest house, clip a lot of coupons, cautiously spend our resources and make some tough choices when it came to larger purchases.  But one of us was able to be with our kids, watching them grow, teaching them, guiding them, learning with them and parenting them for much of their young lives.

When we wanted to do something that had a large price tag, we had to find creative ways to make it happen.  The year before our first child was born we took a trip to Poland, to attend the wedding of a college friend to a nice Polish girl.  That was nearly 21 years ago.  They now live within two miles of us and are some of our closest friends.  Our kids are close in age, and we joke that our boys were friends in utero.

 

Those fifteen years in Tupperware provided me some of the best training of my life.  Even though I probably earned more in plastic bowls than in cash, my income goal was to be able to pay the mortgage each month.  I think I accomplished that on an average.  I learned how to stand up and speak in front of a small to very large group of people—from the party, to sales meetings, to regional meetings.  I gained confidence in my ability to write, to sell, to market myself, to bring others into the business.  I owned my own business and had to learn how to make good business decisions, treat people well, trust others and take risks.  I was a confidant to a hostess for two weeks and would then move on to the next person.  I was doing pastoral care and ministry, even when I didn't realize it.

I was able to be with our kids, make healthy meals, volunteer, be available for friends, help friends when they needed child care and so much more.  When I hear myself saying, “I was only a Tupperware Lady,” I have to remember all that I was.  I was not “only” anything.  I was creating a life and living life and becoming what God was planning for me.  Even when I feel like my resume is “only,” and think that I have to defend our choice, I know that what I did was something immeasurable, undefinable and worthwhile.  I may not have been out in the corporate world, but the work I did, the people I got to know in so many ways and the impact I had on my little world made a difference. 

Dear God, you have created people to do and be so many different things throughout time.  Help us each to know our unique value to the communities in which we live.  Help us to live with the confidence that what we do matters, even when we think of what we do or what we have done as “only.”  For you can be found in all things, in all places, in all ways of living, if only we are willing to experience the Holy of life.  Amen.

I will, with God's help...

In the Baptismal Covenant the members of the faith community make promises to God and to one another.  The promises are given with the understanding that we are incapable of keeping them without God’s help: 

Celebrant:           Will you continue in the apostles’ teaching and fellowship, in the breaking of bread, and in the prayers?
People:                I will, with God’s help.
Celebrant:           Will you persevere in resisting evil, and, whenever you fall into sin, repent and return to the Lord?
People:                 I will, with God’s help.
Celebrant:           Will you proclaim by word and example the Good News of God in Christ?
People:                 I will, with God’s help.
Celebrant:           Will you seek and serve Christ in all persons, loving your neighbor as yourself?
People:                 I will, with God’s help.
Celebrant:           Will you strive for justice and peace among all people, and respect the dignity of every human being?
People:                 I will, with God’s help.

 (Book of Common Prayer, pp. 304-305)

There are days when these promises are put to the test in very real ways; days when the opportunity to learn about the impact of discrimination, specifically racism, are laid before you and you have to figure out how to seek God in the complexities of all relationships.

In my mind, discrimination is not limited to any one –ism.  To focus on one only opens the gates to the others and puts to mind all the difficulties of living in community.  To focus on one gives language to the others.  To focus on one gives tools to deal with the others.  While we focus on racism, focusing on the multiplicities and difficulties and complexities of race relations, we can learn how to reach further into humanity to quiet the voices of all discrimination.

I have friends who are discriminated against for any number of reasons.  Their history is both personal and historical.  As a culture, we do not have systems or language or programs in place that effectively teach us how to “be” when we are with people who can be described as “other.”  We have accessibility issues.  We don’t understand someone’s accent.  We struggle with understanding why people love the people they love.  We cry with the oppressed, when we understand aspects of their oppression.  We cry when voices are not heard.  We cry when we do not know how to respond.  We cry when we try to be in solidarity, but we fail.

So I am incapable of understanding the broad and narrow brushes of discrimination, but I try.  I try to be open to the learning opportunities.  I try to listen with my ears, my head and my heart.  I know that an individual’s story is often a part of a collective, and that I cannot ever fully understand the magnitude or the minutia of their experience.  But I listen anyway.  I must.

I try, with God’s help, to respect the dignity of every human being.  I try, with God’s help, to seek and serve Christ in all of creation.  I try, with God’s help, to persevere in resisting evil.  Even when I’m misunderstood, I try.

Dear God, I try so hard to live my Baptismal Covenant, to continually learn ways to transform unjust structures of society and to be in relationship with You, and I am not always successful.  Please forgive my mistakes, my misspoken words, my struggles.  Help me become a better neighbor and a better listener.  Help me find the right words to express my understanding of your love in the world to those who struggle to hear.  To you, the giver of all good things, the One who weeps at injustice, the God of all.  Amen.

Being Connected

Surrounded by family today—that’s where I most experienced the connectedness of life.  Multiple generations around the table, eating, talking, laughing and enjoying being together. 

I've been reading about connectedness.  The way we can experience the intricacies and the hugeness of creation can bring us closer to understanding our individual impact on creation.  We all matter.  Every cell in our bodies, every transit connection within communities, every raindrop, every memory, and every moment matters. 

One of my friends died last week.  Her battle with cancer was too much for her body and she left this world to her heavenly place.  The impact she had on my life was through Bible study.  I didn't know her in any other context but church, and even that was limited because we worshiped at opposite services.  But she was an integral part of my maturing in faith, in finding my place, in teaching me ways to be a good mom and a good wife.  She fought her cancer fight quietly and often distanced herself from our community when things were roughest.  We missed her at those times and prayed for her. 

We supported her in the best ways we could when her son completed suicide.  We rejoiced when her daughter adopted and then was pregnant.  We bought pecans from her mom’s little church and listened to stories of the difficulties that parish faced in an ever shrinking community.

We were connected to her and to the people she loved because she loved us and we loved her.  She was an incredible gift to me and I will miss her.

I’m sure her family is gathered around a table these days, connecting and reconnecting, remembering and making new memories.  We will gather on Tuesday to say fare-thee-well, to pray for her soul and to embrace her family with words and arms and love.

 

Connectedness in this life through a mutual faith in the Holy gives me confidence that the connectedness in the next life will be ever bound.  Rest in peace, my friend.  You are with your God, and I hope you are getting to ask all those questions we could never find the answers for at Bible study.

O God of all, be with those who weep and mourn.  Fill the holes with your love.  Be with them as they struggle through grief and give them the space to heal in good time.  Help us remember.  In your name, dear Jesus.  Amen.

Take a Breath...

Yesterday I talked about changes.  And then, something like Kid President pops up on Facebook, reminding all who watch that we have so much to be thankful for.

He said to share, so here you go...Honestly, I cannot say it any better than this.

http://www.faithit.com/his-open-letter-babies-first-day-on-earth-pure-poetry-something-for-you-too/#.UyJ6jv9eDyl.facebook

AMEN!

Permanent and semi permanent changes

A beloved tree is removed from the yard.  A child is now an adult and begins the process of moving out and on towards his future.  The other child is receiving mail confirming her college acceptance with a variety of welcome letters and gifts.  The business is blossoming and growing so fast that restructuring is necessary.  Doors are opening into the future with sunshine and rainbows, hope and promises.

I am grateful for these changes, for these moments when I have to let go.  Some things, like the tree, are permanent.  Others are the natural progression of raising children—they may go on, but they can always find this home again, even when they have found their own homes.  The last is being willing to let others enter in and share their talents for the growth of our business.

They are good things, but cause mixed emotions! 

O God of creation, in your wisdom you created all things on this earth to go through a life cycle: trees, children and even businesses cycle through birthing, maturing, moving on, moving out, growing and eventually returning to the earth.  You are present in all of these cycles.  You are the source of strength as we each experience all the emotions of letting go and letting grow.  Thank you for that gift.  Amen.

The Rhythms of Spring

I've been listening to many people talk about how Daylight Saving Time has messed with their body’s rhythm.  I have to admit I have also been struggling with the time change and have found it extremely necessary to nap in the afternoons.  Even with the nap, I am able to sleep, well, through the night.  When rhythms are abruptly changed, it gives us an opportunity to restructure our time and our responsibilities.

 

It could be considered part of a Lenten practice: a time to give up; a time to take on; a time to take care of our souls; a time to take care of each other.  When an hour goes away, we realize its value.  In about a week, our bodies will regain their rhythm.  We will find our way through this Lent after struggling through the first week of messed up schedules.  We will prepare for these next days with an understanding of our vulnerabilities and our dependence on the stability we can find in relationship with God.

In the meantime, I will rest when my body requires rest.  I will live in relationship with my dear ones and with the Dear One.  I will find the rhythm of Lent and embrace all the nuances of this journey.  I will adapt to the light and be thankful.

Dear God, in this holy time of Lent we are witnesses to dramatic change in seasons.  As the snow melts and puddles flood the still frozen earth, new sights and smells remind us that creation is ever in transition.  When human constructs, like Daylight Saving Time, disrupt our rhythm, we have the beauty of creation, in its time of transformation, to remind us that in every hour you are present, even in that hour we “lost,” you are present.  Be with us watching, waking and sleeping.  Guide our dreams and make us ever thankful for you.  Amen.

On being a student

I have mixed emotions about being a student sometimes.  The title gives people a different way to look at me and it gives me a different way to look at the world.  There are so many ways to learn—observation, books, experience, listening, writing, etc.—and though none is better than any of the others, some are easier to embrace than others.

These days, I’m learning how to be comfortable as an observer, which is hard because I want to be able to ‘do’ things.  However, my task is to watch how things are done and soak it up, learning through osmosis rather than by being active in the process.  As someone who likes to help, I have to learn to sit on my hands and bite my tongue to allow processes to naturally occur, and this takes significant self-control.

 

I've enjoyed the title of ‘student,’ also, because it gives me permission to limit the things I volunteer to do.  People are willing to accept when I say I cannot do something because I need to do my ‘job’ as a student.  As someone who likes to be active in my communities, I have had to learn how to be okay with telling people “no” when I simply cannot add one more thing, even though I really, really want to say “yes.”  This is teaching me balance and how to prioritize.

I think that being a student is something we all do as we walk our individual paths in life.  We continually learn more about our abilities and inabilities and find ways to do things we never thought we would be capable doing, sometimes out of necessity, but also out of a desire to learn.  Each day presents opportunities to learn more about living lives in communities, setting expectations, planning, organizing, planting and growing within ourselves and with others.  We lean on people who will help us become more—even those people who challenge our sensibilities and our drive—and we hold those who need the same from us.

O Great Teacher, let me lean on you when learning makes me weary, let me feel your embrace when learning makes me weak, let me experience your joy as I learn more about myself as a student in life and let me praise you for all the opportunities you give me each day to  learn.  Amen.

Inter-Connectedness

One of my classes this semester requires I construct my own theology, so we are reading from a variety of authors to help us each identify those things that most resonate with us, and which, after a 7000 word paper has been developed, will give us the makings of an elevator speech.  Some of the books fit better than others for me.  Today was a good day, reminding me of the interconnectedness we have within our many communities as well as within nature. 

I was reminded of 1 Corinthians 12:15-26—those lines about how all the parts of the body are important, necessary and required to create a “whole.”  You lose one, and the whole thing goes off kilter.  Of course, relationships morph into different identities, with different people, in different places, but the way we touch one another, for any length of time, affects who we are and why we are who we are. 

In the book I was reading today the author wrote:  “…the centered self reaches out for relationship and finds the true self only in interdependence with other beings. It is aware that it can view the surrounding world only from the perspective of its own center, yet it sees its well-being only in relation to the well-being of others within the web of interdependent relations. It reaches out to the surrounding world without losing identity or dissipating one’s energies.⁵” Fernandez, Eleazar S. (2013-12-03). Reimagining the Human: Theological Anthropology in Response to Systemic Evil (Kindle Locations 4856-4860). Chalice Press. Kindle Edition.

I find myself pondering this idea that my well-being is tied with others.  That doing and being in community is an integral part of my health and it helps to define me as much as it defines others and is an integral part of the health of others.  We need each other, we need the ecology around us, we need to love and be loved.  We co-exist because that is part of the plan of creation! 

Dear God, who created us to be in relationship with creation, be with those who are in pain and sorrow as they wait for news of their loved ones who boarded a plane to China and who have not been seen since.  Be with those who are afflicted with chronic illnesses and pain.  Be with premature babies struggling to thrive.  Be with the birds of the air as they migrate, with raccoons, bears and other animals as they emerge from their winter rests.  Protect us as the snow melts.  Keep us ever cognizant of our dependence on you.  Amen.

Should-Need-Want

I am a list maker.  I am a planner.  That may imply that I am rigid and unwilling to be spontaneous, and sometimes that is the case!  However, there are times when I need to set aside the “shoulds” to take care of the “needs” because those fulfill many of the “wants.”  Being responsible can fill the list with many things I “should” do. Being responsible can mean choosing between multiple “shoulds” that are at the same time.  Doing what “should” be done may fulfill a “need” or a “want,” but often those “needs” and “wants” may be a part of a greater “should.”

Days like today help me see the importance of placing “needs” and “wants” ahead of “should.”  Even though I should have been focusing on school, I instead spent time putting together Sunday newspapers with my daughter, helping to reimburse us for her band trip.  I needed to do this to be a part of a greater community and to give me time to do something methodical, rhythmic and monotonous so my mind could be clear of everything besides counting newspapers and praying.  When a friend contacted me to go to a movie this afternoon, my list of things to do seemed unimportant because I wanted to do something spontaneous and that would foster the relationship I so frequently do not have enough time for, because I should be doing something else.

After a couple of nights apart, due to a conference, instead of going home after the movie, my husband and I decided to spend time together at dinner.  To keep our relationship strong, we need to devote time to one another, and though we should have gone home to take care of things we should have been doing, we focused on each other, wanting to be in each other’s company.  I don’t want my relationship to be defined by time we should spend together.  I want it to be what we want.  I need it to be what we need.

And now, as I write this, a cat is snuggling with me, reminding me that I need to be quiet with her and do the self-care that only animals can provide.  Twenty minutes petting an animal each day will lower blood pressure and keep humans healthy.  The warmth of an animal, their soft fur and gentle purrs can help center and focus on needs and wants. 

Dear God, there are so many times I feel like I should be spending time learning more about you and focusing on ways to be in relationship with you, but I think I learn more about the holiness in life when I understand my need for You in my life and know how much I want to be with you.  Thank you for putting it all into a different perspective for me and help me to take the time to allow my needs and my wants to bring me in closer relationship with you.  Amen.

Do I "Drain" or Do I "Inspire?"

A friend posted a quote yesterday by Hans F. Hansen, “People Inspire You or Drain You.  Pick Them Wisely.”  I responded, “Sometimes both are the person in the mirror,” which prompted a private conversation about why I said that, perhaps strange, thing.

Here’s what I was thinking.

I think it's important to acknowledge self-talk. We can inspire ourselves or we can drain ourselves. We need others, but we need ourselves. I had a really hard week last week. My self-talk and attitude affected the way I saw the world. I drained my ‘self.’ I didn't find inspiration is who I was or how I was. And through it all, I learned not only a lot about myself and how I react, but how my internal being can affect it all.  As a woman, I can call it PMS--that hormonal, beat-up-the-world time that sometimes makes me struggle to be human.

Also, times like that help me learn to surround my ‘self’ with people who will lift me out, inspire and motivate me to do and be better. Hanging out with those who will perpetuate the pity party is not going to be helpful.  I reached out to a few of those people who would, could and did help me out of my funk and I am much more the ‘me’ I want to see in the mirror. 

We need each other.

Today, when I continue my reflection, I think about how we each can inspire or drain the people around us, so it isn’t just about picking people wisely, it’s about behaving wisely, too.  It is also about knowing the people with whom we surround ourselves and accepting that each of us can (and most likely will) be both ‘draining’ and ‘inspiring’ to most of our family and friends as some point or another in life.  How we react to a difficult moment, a ‘draining’ moment, in someone’s life does not mean they are always going to ‘drain’ – if we know them well, we know that we are all a combination of behaviors and emotions.

I was reading about ‘promises’ this week.  These covenants we make with one another and with our communities (family, friends, faith communities, civic organizations) are ways to define our relationships with others.  When we understand that promises can be made, changed, developed or broken, we may want to be reminded that God’s covenant with the people is binding.  God’s promises are our models for behavior.  Whether we are ‘draining’ or ‘inspiring,’ God has promised to love us.

Dear Heavenly One, Your presence with me in draining times is one of the most stable sources of inspiration and love.  Help me to be more accepting of myself and of others when the clouds of despair, depression, frustration and helplessness shade the inspirational, loving, growing people we more truly are.  Amen. 

Embracing Lent

One of the things I have found hard to do when Lent comes around is to give something up.  First trying to figure out what I’m willing to give up; then trying to determine what the point of this particular denial is.  Would giving something up really change my relationship with God?

If changing my relationship with God is the goal during the Lenten season, wouldn't it be better to find ways to engage with God and for God?  Wouldn't intentionally devoting time to God make more sense?  If giving something up would help me make more time to be in and for relationship with God, then, yes, giving something up would matter.  But giving something up to deny myself some kind of pleasure may not mean as much.

I’d rather add something to my life of faith during these few weeks of Lent.  Thirty days makes a habit.  Imagine what changes I can experience during these forty!  Creating space in my day for contemplative time with God, writing in my blog, participating in activities that help me see God in new ways, reinterpreting my place in this world, praying, singing, worshiping more often and in more restorative ways, these are ways that I will embrace Lent.