Ferguson

I struggle with the conversation regarding Ferguson.  The Presiding Bishop of the Episcopal Church has offered her thoughts in this article:  http://episcopaldigitalnetwork.com/ens/2014/11/25/presiding-bishops-statement-on-the-way-forward-from-ferguson/#.VHUNsPQffkA.facebook.   The reactions to her statement are in regard to her lack of acknowledgement for the officer, and the fact that she is making a statement about the political and racial climate--not focusing on the sacraments and God.  The response from the Bishop of the Episcopal Diocese of Washington, Mariann Budde and Dean Gary Hall, goes a little farther to express the complexity of the racial disparity in this country and our responsibility to it:  http://www.edow.org/article/statement-of-bishop-mariann-budde-and-dean-gary-hall-on-the-grand-jury-decision-in-the-case-of-michael-brown/#.VHT_dFwpteg.facebook.

 

I struggle with the conversation regarding Ferguson.  At school, I am surrounded by people who are willing to walk the streets in solidarity for racial equality and to acknowledge their frustration with the justice system.  I listen to the comments that the Gospel is political, not partisan, and that we, as theologians and students of ministry must keep the issues of the marginalized on the front burner when we preach--with or without a pulpit.  Jesus’ ministry was all about working with people who didn't fit in society or in the synagogue, for whatever reason.  His actions are our model.  This is why the Gospel is political. 

I struggle with the conversation regarding Ferguson.  There are many people in my life who believe that if we all followed the laws of the land, fair or not, and if we don't cause problems, situations like the one in Ferguson would not happen.  There are people in my life who believe the issue is not race.  Some believe it is about commerce.  Others struggle with the rioters who are taking out their frustration on innocent business owners.  Others believe the officer needs our prayers and support.  Living within the law, respecting property, taking responsibility for personal actions are all expected, no matter the circumstance or context.

I struggle with the conversation regarding Ferguson.  People are divided and I don't know that we will find resolution.  I don't know that we will find ways to sit together and talk without fear of being alienated or of alienating those we love.  I am sad, confused and prayerful that God's work in the world is not done. 

I struggle with the conversation regarding Ferguson.  However…we can, at the very least, join in prayer for peace and reconciliation.  We can, through a little more effort, listen and learn about our complicity in matters of race, class, sex and gender and try to become more willing to embrace one another, in spite of and because of our uniqueness.  We can, through concentrated action, begin to be the change needed so that we can begin to understand our common humanity and find ways to sit together at the table.  We can, with open minds, be willing to listen to one another and learn from one another.  For we are all God's children.  And though we bicker and belittle and bemoan one another, we also love.  

Dementia Sucks

I’m feeling a little guilty.  I haven’t been taking time to write much for months.  A lot has been happening in my life that has pulled my attention every which way and left me feeling like I don’t have ability to care for my personal needs like I should.  But during all these months, I think about a question that helps me stop, plant my feet and reflect.

Where is God in this?

Sometimes I don’t want to consider the question.  Other times it is exactly what I need to think about.  It’s not only about finding positive things when it feels like the walls are collapsing around me, it is also about learning that those walls may have been what has been holding me back from what I need to be doing for God and for others.

 

Much has happened in our lives in the past six months.   Transitions mark 2014 in ways that propel us into our future in both secure and very insecure ways.  Here’s a brief list:

·         Our son moved out in April, into a house shared by up to three other men.  He works full time and takes two classes and it’s time for him to move forward!

·         My mother-in-law fell beginning a long downward spiral that is now manifesting as mid-stage dementia.

·         Our daughter graduated from high school.

·         I was ordained a Transitional Deacon.

·         I am in my last semester of seminary.

·         My mother-in-law has been hospitalized three times, been in a transitional care facility, moved into a residential assisted care home and now needs to move into another place more able to care for her needs.

·         We traveled for my husband’s work to Baltimore and visited friends who recently moved near D.C.

·         Our daughter started her freshman year of college in August and we celebrated by going camping!

·         The revolving door of an empty nest is both wonderful and sad.

It feels like everything is clouded with dementia, with caring for my mother-in-law, with regrouping and rescheduling to meet her needs.  Our physical defenses are down, our work is interrupted, and our goals are re-arranged as her needs overwhelm our days.  Even though she doesn't live with us (even though she wants to live with us), Jeff’s responsibilities have gone from a weekly bill-paying and other odd responsibilities to nearly daily events that can take anywhere from a few minutes to over eight hours.  Unfortunately, most of the time, these moments are unscheduled.  Unfortunately, we have learned to expect them. 

Where is God in this?

Love just isn't enough:  We know we are unable to fix her, that she hates not understanding what is happening to her and that it HURTS all of us, emotionally, physically to be helpless. 
Prayers are ways to scream:  We are learning to ask for the things we need rather than expecting to be able to do things for ourselves.  This includes prayers, crying out for God’s guidance through this time. 
We have awesome friends and family:  We've had friends help us around our house, doing repair work or basic house cleaning. 
Education helps:  We've learned a lot about Alzheimer’s and the complexities of the disease. 
Self –care takes many forms:  We've found that we don’t have to answer the phone from her home every time it rings. 
Distraction is important:  We've learned that not only she needs distraction, so do we.  We've had to carve out time for just us, as little as watching Dr. Who on “On Demand” or going for a walk to going to a movie and dinner, in order to turn off the constant worry with some distraction. 
We've learned flexibility:  Our plans are subject to last minute changes.  Dinners are delayed. Work and study is put on hold.  It’s hard.  It affects our attitudes.  It changes us.

Where is God in this? 

Dementia is not a private disease.  Mental illness needs to stop being stigmatized.   I’m learning that I cannot continue to whisper about what is happening in our lives.  Even on our CaringBridge (http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/judydehler) page I’m becoming more honest about how dementia is changing this person we love.  It isn't very pretty.  Her behavior has not been pleasant.  She doesn't know what role Jeff is in her life—is he her son?  her husband?  her lover?—in some phone calls he is all of them.  Where is “home?”  Who are these people around her?  Some of the time she is lucid, but the next moment, her story is convoluted.

 

Where is God in this?

Some days, I just don’t know.  I feel empty, spent, lost and navigating something that is a mystery, but not the mystery of the Holy Spirit.  But even so, I know God is embracing all of us through this.   That is where God is in this.