I am a list maker. I am a planner. That may imply that I am rigid and unwilling
to be spontaneous, and sometimes that is the case! However, there are times when I need to set
aside the “shoulds” to take care of the “needs” because those fulfill many of
the “wants.” Being responsible can fill
the list with many things I “should” do. Being responsible can mean choosing between
multiple “shoulds” that are at the same time.
Doing what “should” be done may fulfill a “need” or a “want,” but often
those “needs” and “wants” may be a part of a greater “should.”
Days like today help me see the importance of placing “needs”
and “wants” ahead of “should.” Even
though I should have been focusing on school, I instead spent time putting
together Sunday newspapers with my daughter, helping to reimburse us for her
band trip. I needed to do this to be a
part of a greater community and to give me time to do something methodical,
rhythmic and monotonous so my mind could be clear of everything besides
counting newspapers and praying. When a
friend contacted me to go to a movie this afternoon, my list of things to do
seemed unimportant because I wanted to do something spontaneous and that would
foster the relationship I so frequently do not have enough time for, because I
should be doing something else.
After a couple of nights apart, due to a conference, instead
of going home after the movie, my husband and I decided to spend time together
at dinner. To keep our relationship
strong, we need to devote time to one another, and though we should have gone
home to take care of things we should have been doing, we focused on each
other, wanting to be in each other’s company.
I don’t want my relationship to be defined by time we should spend
together. I want it to be what we
want. I need it to be what we need.
And now, as I write this, a cat is snuggling with me, reminding
me that I need to be quiet with her and do the self-care that only animals can
provide. Twenty minutes petting an
animal each day will lower blood pressure and keep humans healthy. The warmth of an animal, their soft fur and
gentle purrs can help center and focus on needs and wants.
Dear God, there are so many times I feel like I should be
spending time learning more about you and focusing on ways to be in relationship
with you, but I think I learn more about the holiness in life when I understand
my need for You in my life and know how much I want to be with you. Thank you for putting it all into a different
perspective for me and help me to take the time to allow my needs and my wants
to bring me in closer relationship with you.
Amen.