I have always appreciated those friends whose homes are as familiar to me as my own. Those people whose doors you open and yell, “Knock, knock!” and come right in. Where I can pour myself a cup of coffee or tea or even grab the cheese from the fridge and a knife from the drawer and the bread and start eating. Where I just pick up a dishtowel or help stir the food on the stove and know I’m not intruding, I’m just a part of the routine, fitting in. Those friends who say, just go get what you need, even if no one is home… Kind of “mi casa es su casa.” (My house is your house.)
Friendships like that are kind of rare, I think. I suspect most people could say that about
one or two friends, friends who are trusted like family, where you can wear a
grubby sweatshirt or a fancy outfit and feel completely comfortable.
Expectations in these homes are to simply “be,” to come as you are and wear
your heart on your sleeve. They are
where discussions can be deep secrets or strong differences of opinions and you
know you are still loved and trusted.
These are relationships that are more like family than most
friendships. Sometimes called “family of
choice,” this is where being authentic and vulnerable happen.
I think Martha and Mary’s home is this kind of place for
Jesus.
We hear about their home in Bethany in a couple places in
the Gospels. Once when Martha is doing
what she is called to do: providing
hospitality, cooking and serving, and Mary is seated at Jesus’ feet, doing what
she is called to do: listening intently to him speak. The Rev.
Lindsay Hardin Freeman put it this way: “Martha is a wonderful minister of hospitality;
Mary is a deep minister of presence.”[1]
There are other times, too, like the time a couple weeks ago when Lazarus died and Jesus brought him back from his tomb, alive. And today, when Mary pours expensive perfume
on Jesus’ feet and then wipes them with her hair. Jesus will return there after his death, too.
This is a place of respite and comfort for Jesus.
There is speculation that Jesus was married to this Mary of
Bethany, not Mary Magdalene, presumably because of this act in today’s story.[2] Mary’s behavior was very intimate and her
actions made at least Judas a little uncomfortable.[3] Mary gave the best thing she had to give to Jesus. A jar of precious nard. A gift valued at 300 denarii, which is
equivalent to about a year’s wages in that time. It was extravagant giving. Mary poured it all onto Jesus’ feet and then
wiped it with her loosened, uncovered hair. This was a sign in a time and place
where for a woman’s hair to be uncovered in the sight of men could only mean an
intimate or familial relationship.
Some think that
because this nard had an overwhelming scent, a scent that would permeate the
living space and beyond, this smell would have covered the smell of
Lazarus. Lazarus, who had recently been
dead, had laid in a tomb for days, may still have smelled of death and
decay. Mary may have wanted to both
anoint Jesus and make the house smell better![4]
Others think the nard was purchased to anoint Jesus’ body
after his death. Mary, it seemed, was
the only one who truly understood the words of Jesus when he spoke of his
impending death. Why would she be the
only one to understand?[5] Could she and Jesus have been married and
could they have spoken more concretely about what was to come? She may have purchased the nard in
preparation for what was to come.
All, some or none of these suppositions could be what
happened. Even the other Gospel writers
share this story differently from one another.
It is impossible for us to know.
What they all imply is that Jesus was most comfortable in
the presence of these siblings, of Martha, Mary and Lazarus. Their relationship was as unique and it was
special. They were devoted to one another.
They were willing to see the individual gifts of one another and create
a household of mutual respect and deep appreciation, primarily because Jesus
helped them to see in this way. They were
that kind of a family where people would come to feel valued and loved and
always welcome. They provided a safe
haven for their closest friends.
Every once in a while, even the safest, kindest, hospitable
place can experience conflict. We saw it
with Martha and Mary in the earlier story and we see it now, with Judas. In both stories, Mary is portrayed as
irresponsible to at least one of those present.
In both stories, Jesus defends Mary’s actions. In the first story, she sits at Jesus’ feet
and listens deeply to all Jesus had to say, irritating Martha, who diligently
provided the creature comforts for their guests, yet Jesus says Mary has made
the better choice.
In this story, Judas
ridicules Mary for “wasting” precious resources in both the purchase of the
nard and in the way she poured it out over Jesus’ feet. Jesus responds harshly, telling Judas to
“leave her alone.”
Judas does not understand the depth of the relationship
between Jesus and Mary. Judas, himself
does not have a relationship with Jesus.
This story in John reveals to the listener the separation of Judas and
Jesus. In so many ways, this story shows
that Judas is not one of Jesus’ closest confidants, not because he wasn’t
invited to be in this inner circle—he was—but because Judas did not allow
himself to be Jesus’ friend. He chose,
instead, to be like a disgruntled employee who did whatever he could to
dismantle the work of Jesus.
Perhaps you have heard this quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson:
“The only way to have a friend is to be one.”[6]
Judas was a bit before Emerson’s time, but the sentiment is eternal. There are people who do not know how to
comfortably live yelling, “knock, knock” as they walk through their friend’s
door, who feel self-conscious about their worthiness to be a friend and who
sabotage relationships with their insecurity or doubt. This is Judas. And he had a place in this story. His scolding of Mary was real. Her actions were extravagant and could easily
be construed as wasteful. Judas was
human in his response to her. I bet
there are some here who would question her choice, too.
Judas wasn’t a friend to Jesus. His jealousy, theft and disregard toward
those who truly were friends to Jesus show us this. His inability to trust in forgiveness--to
trust that Jesus could forgive him, especially with what will come on Maundy
Thursday, these, too, show us. And yet,
he was still a friend of Jesus[7]…a
part of the inner circle around Jesus.
He shared communal space, a common purse and journeyed and prayed with
Jesus and the other followers. He had
every opportunity to accept the friendship as it developed, but instead, he
kept his distance, emotionally, from Jesus.
He never allowed himself to be loved because he, himself, did not love
Jesus.
This is another of the many stories that remind us why it
is important to be in relationship with Jesus.
We are invited to be friends of Jesus, to be loved by Jesus. And we are each worthy of that love, no
matter what we have done or have not done.
One of my long-time but very long-distance friends posted
this quote on Facebook this week: “Shout out to the no maintenance friends who
understand life gets busy but when you catch up it’s nothing but love.”[8] Maybe Jesus is your no maintenance
friend. Maybe Jesus is your knock-and-walk-in friend. Maybe Jesus is
something in between. But Jesus is the
friend you can count on and trust to be there through it all. It’s up to you to decide what kind of friend
you want to have in Jesus.
Let us pray. O Jesus, I want to live in an intimate relationship
with you, trusting your goodness and kindness, listening to your wisdom and
guidance like Mary, but there are times when I become more untrusting and
self-sufficient, like Judas. I am so
thankful that you are always available when I reach out to you. You forgive my foibles and you love me in
spite of them. You let me knock and walk
in and you let me live in my busy-ness, rejoicing with me when I find time with
you again. You are the best kind of
friend and I am in awe of your welcoming arms.
Help me to be a better friend to you.
Help me to fling open my doors when you say, “knock, knock.” Amen.
[1] http://www.lindsayhardinfreeman.com/mary-of-bethany-and-the-art-of-sacred-listening/
[2] http://www.patheos.com/blogs/biteintheapple/the-woman-jesus-adored/
[3] http://modernmetanoia.org/2016/02/29/lent-5c-a-scandalous-gift-of-love/
[4] http://www.workingpreacher.org/craft.aspx?post=4554
[5] http://words.dancingwiththeword.com/2016/03/the-annointing.html
[6] http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/r/ralphwaldo100740.html
[7] http://www.faithstreet.com/onfaith/2014/04/17/friend-or-foe-learning-from-judas-about-friendship-with-jesus/31717
[8]https://www.facebook.com/SoulfulSpiritPage/photos/a.1630587800543533.1073741829.1625735324362114/1698375550431424/?type=3&theater
artwork: http://pastorkylehuber.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/holy-wk-mary-anoints-the-feet-of-jesus.gif
artwork: http://pastorkylehuber.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/holy-wk-mary-anoints-the-feet-of-jesus.gif