Should-Need-Want

I am a list maker.  I am a planner.  That may imply that I am rigid and unwilling to be spontaneous, and sometimes that is the case!  However, there are times when I need to set aside the “shoulds” to take care of the “needs” because those fulfill many of the “wants.”  Being responsible can fill the list with many things I “should” do. Being responsible can mean choosing between multiple “shoulds” that are at the same time.  Doing what “should” be done may fulfill a “need” or a “want,” but often those “needs” and “wants” may be a part of a greater “should.”

Days like today help me see the importance of placing “needs” and “wants” ahead of “should.”  Even though I should have been focusing on school, I instead spent time putting together Sunday newspapers with my daughter, helping to reimburse us for her band trip.  I needed to do this to be a part of a greater community and to give me time to do something methodical, rhythmic and monotonous so my mind could be clear of everything besides counting newspapers and praying.  When a friend contacted me to go to a movie this afternoon, my list of things to do seemed unimportant because I wanted to do something spontaneous and that would foster the relationship I so frequently do not have enough time for, because I should be doing something else.

After a couple of nights apart, due to a conference, instead of going home after the movie, my husband and I decided to spend time together at dinner.  To keep our relationship strong, we need to devote time to one another, and though we should have gone home to take care of things we should have been doing, we focused on each other, wanting to be in each other’s company.  I don’t want my relationship to be defined by time we should spend together.  I want it to be what we want.  I need it to be what we need.

And now, as I write this, a cat is snuggling with me, reminding me that I need to be quiet with her and do the self-care that only animals can provide.  Twenty minutes petting an animal each day will lower blood pressure and keep humans healthy.  The warmth of an animal, their soft fur and gentle purrs can help center and focus on needs and wants. 

Dear God, there are so many times I feel like I should be spending time learning more about you and focusing on ways to be in relationship with you, but I think I learn more about the holiness in life when I understand my need for You in my life and know how much I want to be with you.  Thank you for putting it all into a different perspective for me and help me to take the time to allow my needs and my wants to bring me in closer relationship with you.  Amen.

Do I "Drain" or Do I "Inspire?"

A friend posted a quote yesterday by Hans F. Hansen, “People Inspire You or Drain You.  Pick Them Wisely.”  I responded, “Sometimes both are the person in the mirror,” which prompted a private conversation about why I said that, perhaps strange, thing.

Here’s what I was thinking.

I think it's important to acknowledge self-talk. We can inspire ourselves or we can drain ourselves. We need others, but we need ourselves. I had a really hard week last week. My self-talk and attitude affected the way I saw the world. I drained my ‘self.’ I didn't find inspiration is who I was or how I was. And through it all, I learned not only a lot about myself and how I react, but how my internal being can affect it all.  As a woman, I can call it PMS--that hormonal, beat-up-the-world time that sometimes makes me struggle to be human.

Also, times like that help me learn to surround my ‘self’ with people who will lift me out, inspire and motivate me to do and be better. Hanging out with those who will perpetuate the pity party is not going to be helpful.  I reached out to a few of those people who would, could and did help me out of my funk and I am much more the ‘me’ I want to see in the mirror. 

We need each other.

Today, when I continue my reflection, I think about how we each can inspire or drain the people around us, so it isn’t just about picking people wisely, it’s about behaving wisely, too.  It is also about knowing the people with whom we surround ourselves and accepting that each of us can (and most likely will) be both ‘draining’ and ‘inspiring’ to most of our family and friends as some point or another in life.  How we react to a difficult moment, a ‘draining’ moment, in someone’s life does not mean they are always going to ‘drain’ – if we know them well, we know that we are all a combination of behaviors and emotions.

I was reading about ‘promises’ this week.  These covenants we make with one another and with our communities (family, friends, faith communities, civic organizations) are ways to define our relationships with others.  When we understand that promises can be made, changed, developed or broken, we may want to be reminded that God’s covenant with the people is binding.  God’s promises are our models for behavior.  Whether we are ‘draining’ or ‘inspiring,’ God has promised to love us.

Dear Heavenly One, Your presence with me in draining times is one of the most stable sources of inspiration and love.  Help me to be more accepting of myself and of others when the clouds of despair, depression, frustration and helplessness shade the inspirational, loving, growing people we more truly are.  Amen. 

Embracing Lent

One of the things I have found hard to do when Lent comes around is to give something up.  First trying to figure out what I’m willing to give up; then trying to determine what the point of this particular denial is.  Would giving something up really change my relationship with God?

If changing my relationship with God is the goal during the Lenten season, wouldn't it be better to find ways to engage with God and for God?  Wouldn't intentionally devoting time to God make more sense?  If giving something up would help me make more time to be in and for relationship with God, then, yes, giving something up would matter.  But giving something up to deny myself some kind of pleasure may not mean as much.

I’d rather add something to my life of faith during these few weeks of Lent.  Thirty days makes a habit.  Imagine what changes I can experience during these forty!  Creating space in my day for contemplative time with God, writing in my blog, participating in activities that help me see God in new ways, reinterpreting my place in this world, praying, singing, worshiping more often and in more restorative ways, these are ways that I will embrace Lent.