Awareness

I've been on break from classes for just about a month now.  My time moves at a different pace when I’m not working on my M-Div.  I have more time to do things I have either stopped doing or have significantly slowed down on.  I've read two books—for fun!  That is such a rare experience while I’m in classes.  I have been able to cook and bake for my family more often.  These meals aren't really anything fancy, but when there just hasn't been enough time to put much effort in, they are something special just because I had time.  I was able to go on a five day trip to Florida with my love—to reconnect, relax, unplug and let go.

 

All this free time can seem frivolous and fraught with guilt for not “doing” something “productive,” but it isn't either of those things.  I’m still doing my internship work, and I have work to do for our business, paperwork to fill out for my future ordinations, and one book to read for school before I go back in February, so I’m not doing nothing, I’m simply spending my time at a different pace, breathing and pausing and taking care of some of those things that aren't completely neglected in my school time, but are not given as much attention as I can now give. 

Where does God fit in?

Sometimes I wonder.

I think God wants us to pay attention to how we experience time—how we spend it, use it, enjoy it, waste it, depend on it and blame it—to really learn what is most important in our current moments of time.  I can reflect on these past few months where I felt like I was spinning out of control and time was whizzing by me and begin to see what I have learned about myself, my education, my family, my time.  What I am paying most attention to is how much I like being in the church, learning and growing through the many experiences that I have been blessed to have.  I know in my heart and soul that parish ministry is my call and God’s desire.  In all the craziness of organized religion, of the business of church, of education and of course, of worship, I feel so at home.

The beauty of an internship is that it is finite.  I have nine months to grab as much experience and knowledge and faith practice as I can without becoming so entwined in the nuances of this particular faith community that I am emotionally and spiritually depleted even before I am ordained.  It’s hard work balancing budgets and managing staff and it takes changing hats many times throughout the day to be pastoral and a caregiver as well as leader of the pack.  I think that if I spent more time there than I currently am required to do (about 10-12 hours a week) I may have a different opinion.  But what I am gaining is a brushstroke in a grand painting—only a glimpse of the daily life of a parish priest.  The deeper work comes later.

In the meantime, I am a part of the painting there.  I may only be a brushstroke in the painting, but I will always be pictured in the 2013 photo directory, I will be remembered by some for any number of reasons, I will continue to be taught and to teach while I’m there, and though the time is finite and there is much to learn, I am emotionally and spiritually entwined in the current nuances of this particular faith community.  To be any less would not be a reflection of who I am. 

So I have had time to reflect in these past few weeks about what it is I have been called to do.  To determine what this call means to me and how it will be best put to God’s purpose.  This respite was needed and I am thankful for the opportunity to find myself and feel secure that I am doing the right thing.

O Holy God of all, you have given all of us opportunities to sit back and reflect upon moments of time, snapshots of life, pondering the textures of this gift and when we pay close attention we can find answers to questions, or even questions to be asked.  It is in taking time that we find in ourselves our commitment to what is good in our lives.  Be with us as we ponder, listen, breathe, grow, reflect and act as your creation.  In your holy name, Amen.

Resolutions

I found a Christian radio station last week that was still playing Christmas music.  Not all the time, but interspersed with other music.  It made me smile.  There is a radio station that is acknowledging the twelve days of Christmas, and is bringing that joy into our lives, reminding us that after all the hustle and bustle and busy-ness of December, preparing for the birth of the Christ Child, the celebration is not yet over.  We have until January 6^th to contemplate the Gift, enjoy the lights, smells and sounds of the season.  For some of us, there is still time to get our Christmas greeting put together and in the mail—and it still isn't “late.”

I like to keep the cards hanging on the closet door for as long as I can.  I like having the pictures of family and friends smiling at me when I get to the top of the stairs.  Even if the rest of the decorations will soon return to their boxes in the closet, those stay up a little bit longer, inviting me into their lives, bringing me closer, providing me a constant reminder that we are loved.

These cards and photos can also provide the beginning of a resolution for the New Year.  Instead of giving something up or trying to change a not-so-good habit, why not take those cards and pray for those who sent them?  Each day take one card and spend a few minutes thinking about your relationship with the sender.  Pray for them.  Ask God to bless them on this day and every day.  If you know of something they especially need prayers for, offer them.  If you don’t know where to start, simply close your eyes and breathe in their name and breathe out words like peace, joy, love, kindness, hope, healing and thanks.

When you have gone through the whole pile of cards, find another source—your Facebook friends, your classmates from bygone days, your extended family, those you didn't hear from with a beautiful card or photo, and your faith community family.

 

I wish you a prayer-filled 2014!

Mary and Joseph

I've been just sitting here for about an hour, eating some oatmeal, drinking some coffee, reading emails and Facebook posts, and thinking about the meaning of this upcoming night, of the gifts of time with family as well as the gifts that are to be given and received.  I get to look out windows at the birds at the feeders, filling their bellies with seeds, finding room at the feeder to share their space with one another, taking turns knocking seed to the ground for the ground feeding birds and other critters to gobble up.  The house is decorated with Nativity scenes, Santas and Angels, all ready to bring the Good News of Jesus’ birth.  It’s been quiet as I contemplate these things.  Something I've needed, time to just “be” in this season of seasons.

We haven’t gotten a Christmas letter written for a couple of years.  We’ll be waiting until sometime in Epiphany to get this year’s done.  Sometimes it is just better to wait on that project, to get the other things done and to really take time to evaluate all the gifts and joys of the previous months, and mention goals and dreams for the future.  We have many things to think about; many experiences lived, dreams being fulfilled just as new ones are being formed.  We are learning to live in the ‘now’ and to be thankful, even in our busy-ness, for moments of reflection, of time spent together simply laughing over some silly thing. 

When Joseph and Mary left Galilee for Bethlehem they were on a mission to register themselves with the government.  Unknown obstacles would meet them, the road would not be easy, and travel would be arduous and uncomfortable for the very pregnant Mary.  They could look forward to the birth of this child, but even that was filled with unknowns, dreams to be fulfilled, and fears and longings that surround the birth of any child, let alone the child of God.  It is easy to look at the beautiful art of Mary and Joseph with their newborn child in the stable.  We don’t often think of the mess of birth, the smell of animals, the grime embedded in the skin of the shepherds.  We think of this birth of our Savior with joy and Alleluias, grateful for the gift.  But can you imagine the fear in the hearts of Joseph and Mary?  Are those any different than our own? 

Counting the gifts under the tree, sharing the things we have with those we love, are ways in which we celebrate the One gift of this night.  No gift is without some sacrifice, some risk.  Perhaps that is why we give.  Mary and Joseph risked everything for the sake of the world.  They sacrificed so much to be the bearers of this gift.

O God of all creation, you gave us your Son, to be born and raised by a common woman and man, people with emotions and lives filled with busy-ness and responsibilities.  Thank you for Mary and for Joseph and for your trust in them to be for us the parents of our Jesus.  In our rush to be everywhere we need to be this Holy season, help us remember the roads they traveled to Bethlehem to give all they gave.  Amen.