I have been struggling with the blog of late. My habit was disrupted by traveling and the
mission trip and I seem to think that I need the blog to be filled with
reflections from the mission trip because it was so impactful in such a variety
of ways…but it doesn't. That’s not what
this blog was intended to do. It all
started with a simple prayer and it became a nightly practice of writing of
thoughts, experiences, dreams and desires as a way to stay connected with
God. So why has it become easy to set
this time aside, to set God aside? Sure,
I trust that God is ever present in my life, that my thoughts become prayers
and that I am in relationship with God.
But giving up the nightly practice has left a hole in my day, and I feel
like my relationship is lacking.
I know that part of what has kept me from blogging has been
my need to process the mission trip. I
am finding that I have many growing edges that need attention after this
trip. I am probably at one of my weakest
points in my life. I’m working on
changing that, through talking with my spiritual director, my husband and
others who want to listen to me as I talk through my experience on the mission
trip. I am vulnerable and lacking in
self-confidence while at the same time I feel like a champion for the Ojibwa
tribes in northwestern Minnesota. I can
tell their stories, while I struggle with my own.
There is so much more to my feelings of weakness and
vulnerability right now. My energies are
focused on helping my mother-in-law prepare to move at the end of the month—a different
type of mission trip! I’m trying to
emotionally prepare for my internship that will commence September 8 and last
until mid-May, leaving my faith community of 26 years. Our daughter will begin her senior year
soon. Our son is planning to move out in
the next couple of months. Life is
changing, as it should, but right now, I feel weak so I have to trust that God
is strong.
Perhaps this is one of those times where I have to be
reminded to place my faith and trust in God, and ask others to pray for me.
Dear God, be present through the transitions life
offers: transitions of thought and
understanding as well as of life changes and growth. Only you can hear the weakness and longing of
your people. Lift them, guide them, love
them as their lives progress into fuller relationship with you. Amen.