Have you ever had to spend time remembering things you would
rather not remember? Today I had to
“create a clear and comprehensive timeline showing your lifelong experience
with loss.” And then write about how one
or two shaped me personally. Yikes!
Revisiting moments of change, loss and death are not
easy. Bring up a pot full of complicated
and sad memories, jarring sensibilities, reopening wounds? Yes.
It was not easy to think about, generally, but as I worked through some
of it, I realized that I would not be the person I am if I hadn’t experienced
and grown from significant losses in my life.
People and pets die.
Jobs change. Relationships
morph. Living means experiencing joy and
sorrow. Growing in, through and around
it all, we become more than we were before.
Really tough times can either destroy us or strengthen us.
The assignment went on to ask how my culture and religion
have influenced my experience and response to loss. That’s the meat of it, isn’t it? The people we choose to surround ourselves
with will always influence the way we react to both difficult and joyful
times. Only we can control the way we
react to those times, but others will often play a role in helping us
cope. This is pastoral care. Learning how to help others make it through
life, learning who to lean on when we personally need help to make it through
life, is living into the command to love one another. I could never have survived some of the
events in my life if I was not surrounded by people who love me and only want
the best for me. And I know that I have
been on the other side, too.
Rallying around a family as they learn how to navigate a
diagnosis of Type 1 Diabetes, supporting a friend through a divorce, counting
down the hours to the closing on a new house, saying prayers for a stranger who
is struggling after freak accident, working with folks in a care center,
soothing a child with vertigo and sending energy to a daughter as she sits with
her ill father, these are the ways we make a difference in the lives of others
as they navigate the difficulties placed before them. Focusing on helping others can make it easier
to cope with our own sorrows. Allowing
others to share our burdens is another.
Yes, the memories are hard and the emotions raw this night,
but I’m feeling a sense of joy in the lessons learned, in the memories of those
who helped me when I was in need as well.
And I am thankful.
Dear God, taking inventory of the many losses in my life
helps me to also take inventory of all the relationships that have helped me
survive those losses. The love of
friends and family is so very strong, especially when we feel so very
weak. Give us strength and courage to
reach out to others, allowing them to share your love in those times. Grant us wisdom as we do the same for
others. Amen.