I've been too busy to devote significant time to processing
the mission trip, but throughout each of the past few days I've caught moments,
glimpses if you will, of memories that still direct my emotions. Tears well up unexpectedly, emotions gurgle
throughout my body wanting to escape, but are often subdued within. The time is not yet ripe. There are not enough hours for free writing
yet. There are edges that need to be
molded so the sharpness can become less rigid, offering a broader understanding
in some cases and a narrower one in others.
How can I put all the pieces together when my view was so broad and not
narrowed by task or made intimate in individual relationships? I did not re-roof a house or teach vacation
Bible school. I was not immersed in a single
job, but encountered moments in all of them.
I observed, listened and drew in the stories as if I was breathing them
into my lungs and sending the oxygen of them throughout my veins, leaving
remnants behind, forever a part of my internal functions. The time will come when I have more clarity…or
not. Perhaps it is just a matter of
having time to let the memories and ideas and joys and sorrows find their own
expression through my words. Perhaps I’m
not supposed to let them go just yet because what they are teaching me needs
more time. But I wonder how much I will
be able to release and how much will remain within me forever, ever reminding
me.