[This is a follow-up to the previous blog.]
What does it feel like to be in a chrysalis, I wonder? “Being still” must be part of it—that feeling
of being encapsulated in a constricting shell probably requires stillness—but what
else could be going on?
The transformation from one thing into another, yet same,
thing is what I envision. The physical
system is still in place, the body may emerge looking different, but for me,
the outside doesn’t change much (except for a periodic haircut lol)…it’s the inside
that is transforming. This
transformation will manifest in new knowledge, in new understanding of self and
self in the world, in new comprehension of the world as the world continues its
rotation around the sun and the people on it continue to transform upon
it.
Introspection, different avenues to more and more knowledge,
time in prayer, in consultation, in living into a new title—all these things
are happening in my chrysalis, but my chrysalis isn’t so constrictive and may
not be as protective. I am affected by
what happens around me: I am awakened by loud thunder, awakened by news of
violence, awakened by broken relationships; I am shaken by contentious
political rhetoric, shaken by new comprehension of equity and equality, shaken
by the complexity of faith expression. I
could physically struggle against the walls of my chrysalis, and I often do,
caught in the personal web of cognitive dissonance, where I can hold
contradictions and wrestle with them and still not choose between them because
to do so could potentially separate me more permanently from the world outside
of the cocoon, stranding me within this transformative space, never to emerge
anew.
This is what is happening in my chrysalis: I am developing a new sense of self through
contemplation and introspection, trying to be aware of the multiplicities of
being alive in a complex and contentious world as a woman of faith and yet
balancing what it is I understand Jesus is asking me to do as I follow
Him. That relationship is becoming more
and more vibrant as I better comprehend the work Jesus did that provided
eternal salvation for me, yes, but that provided a stronger relationship with
his Father for anyone who would care to pay attention. Studying the work of Jesus, of God on Earth,
I am becoming more and more conscious of what it means to pay attention to the
plight of others; to trust that each of us, in our unique bodies, minds and
souls, are, first and foremost, children of God.
Scripture is full of reminders we
can find in this Sunday’s lectionary:
“Do not rob the poor because
they are poor, or crush the afflicted at the gate; for the LORD pleads their
cause and despoils of life those who despoil them.” Proverbs
22:22-23
“The LORD
sets the prisoners free; the LORD opens the eyes of the blind; the LORD lifts
up those who are bowed down; The LORD loves the righteous; the LORD cares for
the stranger; he sustains the orphan and widow, but frustrates the way of the
wicked.” Psalm 146: 7-8
“If a brother or sister is naked
and lacks daily food, and one of you says to them, ‘Go in peace; keep warm and
eat your fill,’ and yet you do not supply their bodily needs, what is the good
of that?” James 2:16
This Sunday, Episcopal
Churches are asked to focus on “Confession, Repentance,
and Commitment to End Racism Sunday” on Sunday, September 6. This is important
work and necessary work. For me, it has
taken time to understand the pervasive nature of racism and I think that the
time I’ve been spending in my chrysalis has done much to help me be better
informed and prepared, mostly because I believe I have been more ready and have
had more time to do the work of understanding.
My personal, internal work is not complete, and to be honest, I’m
thankful I am not preaching on Sunday, but someday, I will be better able to be
in conversation or to preach with a more contrite heart. (Letter from the Presiding Bishop can be
found here ).
Caterpillar—Chrysalis—Butterfly. I think most of us are a little of each of
these every day. We need to be a
conglomeration of processes as we live through creating our life. We need to be able to take risks at each
point to be able to develop into the next point. Sometimes these things happen rapidly. Other times we need to simply “be” in each
space to more fully live into what it is we are becoming. Mostly, we need to live, knowing that through
each phase of our created life we are held with love in the hands of our
Creator.
Heavenly God, each step of
creation has been designed by you. You
drafted a plan that takes each of us from small cells into masterpieces of
muscle and sinew, mind and heart. This
gift of life is packaged in so many ways, and throughout our individual lives
we are given opportunities to develop, change and become…multiple times. Trusting in your design, guide our pathways
as we meet others who are living into their own creation. Help us to be more willing to act as the
hands, feet and especially the heart of Jesus.
Guide our worship this weekend as we work toward reconciliation and
commitment to end racism. As Jesus
healed the deaf man with the words, “Be open,” (Mark 7:32-35) help us to also be
open to hear what it is we most need to learn.
Amen.